


Homemade Dynamite

by LinRiverSongBeifong



Category: The Devil Wears Prada (2006)
Genre: Confessions, Deadly accident, F/F, Heavy Angst, Hospitalization, Near Death, Past Child Abuse, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-20
Updated: 2019-02-18
Packaged: 2019-08-26 06:50:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16676659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LinRiverSongBeifong/pseuds/LinRiverSongBeifong
Summary: Death and the Universe made a deal a long time ago. If there was a person who was taken too soon from the world of the living. Then they were given a choice. They could choose to stay or they could follow death into the afterlife. However, each person is shown what they would leave behind if they did wish to go. Miranda is given this choice and everything she thought she knew will be put into question.





	1. Miranda P.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, everyone!! This is my second WIP for this fandom and for this ship!! This idea was in my head for a while and I thought that I should share it with all of you!! This is loosely based on the movie "What If". I know that the movie was an adaptation from a very popular but I have not read it or even watched the movie. I'm using the general idea that was presented, but I'll be taking some creative liberties. I hope that you all like it!!! If you do then go ahead and leave a comment!! 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!!!

They were driving back from Ithaca for a photo shoot. The stunning natural beauty broke away from the overused autumn scheme of fallen leaves, warm reds, and oranges. Ithaca was lush and dark green. The air there had been cool and crisp as it went down your throat to expand in your lungs. It had been like chewing on a mint. Miranda was pleasantly surprised that the location had worked so well. Everything had gone without a single misstep. It was strange for Miranda to just be there to observe.

Now she was sitting in her town car as the sun began to go down. Roy was silently driving through the beautiful countryside. Miranda let her head fall back as her eyes skimmed through the passing greenery. She was tempted to close her eyes for a moment. Then she had realized that she had the chance to call her daughters. She fished her phone out her purse just as Roy was taking a blind turn. Her fingers use speed dial to reach her girls. She couldn’t help but think that her daughters would like to come up there for holiday.  Cheerful angelic voices sounded through her phone and Miranda smiled.

“Hello, my angels. I had –“ Those were the last five words Miranda was able to say before she was in a head-on collision. 

For the first five seconds, Miranda didn’t know what was happening. All she felt was gravity give way. Her seat belt slammed her back into the seat and she felt something crack in her body, a white feeling made her gasp. Her mouth flooded with blood.  Then everything was upside down then right side up then upside down again. Were they rolling? Why were they rolling? Miranda felt her fingers lose their drip on her cell phone. She hadn’t ended the call with her daughters.

After what felt like an eternity, everything stopped. There was the sound of running water and something hot making her skin burn. Her lungs refused to work as she painfully tried to breathe. Every time she did she tasted to metallic tang if blood. Her head was a murky mess. She couldn’t tell what had happened or if she was okay. All she knew was fire. A fire that burned from her chest and consumed her entire body. It was pain, white-hot pain that had her crying out only once. Miranda felt something warm and wet run up her body. The harder she tried to regain some level of consciousness the darker her world was becoming.

She could feel her body shut down. Everything around her was slow and shrouded in a white light. That very same white light began to consume everything around her. As it reached her body the pain went away. The light soothed her broken bones and marred flesh. Until finally white was all that she could see.

Everything was white, and then there was sound.

“We have to get her out of there! The gas is ready to ignite!”

Miranda’s eyes flew open at the sound of a strange voice. What in the world was going on? What gas? Who were they trying to save? She felt her body spin in place as she finally began to join reality. All around her was shrapnel. Shattered glass was like freshly fallen snow. Glittering off the asphalt. Broken pieces of cars were everywhere. Then she finally saw it. There was a growing pool of crimson growing underneath one of the wrecked cars. A body hung limply from the back seat as blood-stained silver hair and ashy skin. The window was shattered and Miranda could see a large shard protruding from the person’s neck. Her own hand came up to feel her neck. The skin there was untouched. Just like the rest of her body Miranda realized.

Something desperate took a hold of her heart. “What is going on? Who is that?” Miranda cried out. She rushed forward only to stop short as a crowd of firefighters got in her way. They didn’t even pay her a second glance. It was like she wasn’t even there. “I demand to know what the hell is going on!” She screamed. There was something deadly in her eyes. Like a truth that she wasn’t strong enough to face. All she could do was stand by as the firefighters broke away the car door. Within moments they were dragging a lifeless body to the nearest gurney.

Miranda stood frozen as she watched her own body be carefully secured. She felt her hands come up to cover her mouth. Her eyes began to blur as confused tears accompanied the dark, terrifying realization.

She stumbled back as she watched her body be put into the back of the ambulance.

Slowly her peripheral vision began to go black. Panic coursed through her veins. “No,” she cried out. Everything turned to black around her and fear clutched her heart so painfully that she thought it would shatter from the force. Then the noise came back to her. Beeping machines rang through the air and loud voices called out to each other.

She could smell disinfectant used to try and mask the stench of death.  All around her she heard people crying, coughing, or screaming. She wondered if any of those voices were hers. How could they? She was dead, wasn’t she? It took another long moment before she was able to see again. When she did she was blinded by a light. She stood in the middle of a hospital doorway. Nurses and doctors walked passed her like she wasn’t even there. Her skirt and silk blouse made her feel naked.

Her arms came up to cross over her chest in hopes of feeling protected. Miranda turned around again to figure out what was happening. How was it that she had made it all the way to a hospital? There must be someone there that could help her. Anyone who could tell her what the fuck was going on.

In a matter of seconds, Miranda was able to channel all the courage she had. Her stare hardened and she let her arms fall away from her chest. She let her eyes scan the hallway and stopped when they landed on the nearest doctor. Rage fueled her as she marched right up to the man clearly in deep conversation with a nurse. Her heart began to pound when he didn’t even turn to look at her.

She was feet away and scathing words were about to drip from her lips when the doctor turned. The man’s tired eyes landed on her. They looked right through her as he walked toward her. Miranda stumbled back as the man walked confidently in her direction. How was he going to keep walking? He was bound to walk right into her. Could he not see her? Then that was when it happened. The man walked right through Miranda as if she was just air. The sensation at that moment was indescribable. She could feel the initial press of his body against her and then it was like something gave way. Like the surface of the water when you dive head first. Then it was like everything in her body was being pulled at once. She didn’t know how to breathe for a few long seconds.

“No… what is happening,” She gasped. The world began to spin around her and everything blurred. A sudden weight pressed down on her shoulder and her knees gave out to the pressure. She looked out and watched as the entire world around her went by. At the very end of the hallway, the doors were thrown open. A gurney was being pushed towards her and with it came a flurry of first responders.

Their words did not reach her as they rushed passed her. All she could do was watch as her broken and bloodied body flashed before her.

“You’re dying, my darling.” A soft voice called out.

A feeling of cold dread crawled up her spine. She knew that voice. She had heard that voice for her entire life until she turned thirty.  Miranda had thought she was free. Free of that voice’s poisonous effects and it’s selfish intentions.

Miranda could feel her entire body growing colder the longer that she sat there on the hospital floor. The feeling of her heart began to fade like an echo in her body. If she concentrated hard enough she could feel her blood slow its flow through her veins. Rage burned in her soul and her voice was a low dangerous growl. “If I’m dying Mother, then what is this?”

“Your judgment, Miranda.”


	2. Nigel K.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nigel comes to see Miranda.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the positive feedback!!! I hope that you guys are enjoying this so far!! I am having a lot of fun writing this!! A huge shout out to my BETA reader!!! She is a literal godsend and is a huge help when it comes to making this the best piece that it can be. Follow her @ http://dobbypussssyindulgence.tumblr.com/!!!

It was a while before Miranda and her mother spoke again. 

All Miranda could do was watch as her body was being put back together. It was strange to see them cut through her clothes. Stick needles in her body and for an entire minute watched as they tried to get her heart to beat again. Miranda could feel the shock of the defibrillator go through her entire chest as her body convulsed on the operating table. Miranda’s mother took a step forward and then her heart began to beat again. There was an irony in the act.

Four hours passed before she was rolled out of the operation room and taken to a small private room with a large floor to ceiling window. Miranda could hear rain hit the glass violently. Her eyes had not once left her body and the more she stared at herself the harder it was to believe that it was really her. The wrappings around her neck had been white for a while until a flower of blood began to bloom. The color was unnaturally bright red.  All the wires and tubes looked like vines that had her caged to the hospital bed. Miranda winced at the sight of her smeared mascara underneath her eyes. Her creased eyeshadow doing nothing to hide the bruising that was forming all over her face.

Her mother was standing by the window. Her eyes were captivated by the storm raging outside. Beneath her, the woman could see a man running through the rain across the parking lot until he was running into the hospital. There was a sharp familiarity in her chest and she turned back to Miranda.

“You get to choose, Miranda.” She said softly.

Miranda’s eyes snapped back to her mother’s face. Her eyes were brilliant, cold, and fearful. “Choose what?” Miranda snapped. Her lips pulled back into a thin line and her eyes narrowed like a cat ready to pounce at any given moment. “What is there to chose?” She screamed.

Miranda’s mother turn to fully face the woman and she took pity on the editor. “You get to choose to live.”

There was a heavy silence that fell over the room. The beeps of the machines around them began to quicken. “Why would I want to live?” Miranda breathed. Her heart lurched against her chest. An all too familiar voice began to whisper in her ear. The voice was black and piousness with slime like tendrils that wrapped around her heart.   _ Who would really care if you died? _ It snarled in her ear. Miranda knew that if she died now that no one would care. Everyone that she had anything to do with would rejoice in her passing.

_ The Devil is dead! We’re free from her reign!  _  They would all cry out in joy. Miranda wouldn’t blame them. She was nothing but cruel to all the people around her. She demanded the impossible, tore friends apart and made relationships burn. She forced a person to sign their life away to work for her; to be a part of some twisted fantasy. At this point what was there to live for? She had two failed marriages, two grown daughters who had more connection to their nanny than her, and employees that all hated her. She lacked friends because the people who claimed to be, were only there out of ulterior motives. They didn’t care about her; they cared about the fact that they could get something from using her name.

Now she was in the middle of God knows where lying comatose in a hospital. No one had come to visit her. Why would they? It wouldn’t be like they cared.

“There’s no reason to keep going? If I’m supposed to die here now then so be it.” Miranda went on. The little voice in her head preened at the dangerous thought. It stroked away any hope her heart had left leaving her empty. “People would be better off if I was dead.” She added with finality.

Something flashed in her mother’s eyes. Something dark and all knowing. The weather outside turned a little more violent and Miranda could have sworn that she could feel a dark and menacing presence. Her mother’s familiar face began to morph and a strange shadow fell over her face. It was like she was wearing some invisible cloak. Her pale skin turned ashy. Her sharp nose receded, and her lips began to pull back to bare sharp teeth. The glint of blue in her eyes turned jet black. She was turning into death right before Miranda’s eyes. Whatever it was had taken her mother’s appearance, using it to forge some sort of connection with her. Now it was revealing its true form.

Miranda took a terrified step back. Her back hit the wall and she pressed herself against it praying that it would swallow her whole. Then the entire room shook with the intensity of a deep dark voice. “Does this mean you accept death, Miranda? Will you come with me?” Where Miranda should have felt fear, she felt something close to a calm wash over her. Her heart began to slow and it made her feel heavy and tired. A weight made her slump against the wall and white light began to creep up along the corners of her vision. Somewhere far away the beeping of the machines hooked up to her began to slow down.

This was it…

The door was open and a nurse walked in. “This is where she is going to be staying until she has woken up, “ she said quietly.

As she walked into the room a man followed close behind.

“Thank you for letting me see her.” Nigel murmured as the woman turned away and walked out of the room. She tossed one last sympathetic glance at the man before she left. “We will be back to check her vitals in ten minutes,” she said as the door began to close.

He stood there in silence as he let his eyes roam over Miranda’s body. His eyes shone and his cheek grew wet. There was a silent sob ripped from his lips and he stumbled to her bedside. He gently took hold of her hand and he felt his knees give out beneath him. Nigel pressed his lips against the cold skin of Miranda’s hand and in a fleeting moment he sent a prayer out that she would wake up.

Unknown to him Miranda was behind him collapsed against the wall. Her entire body was trembling. When Nigel had walked in everything had snapped back into focus. The entire world around her came back to unbearably painful clarity. The force made her body lurch forward and she was barely quick enough to catch herself before she hit the floor. There wasn’t enough air in the room. Her lungs were on fire and her eyes were burning. She could hear a pounding in her ear. Far away was a voice, she clenched her eyes to try and keep the spinning at bay and focus on that voice. That voice made her breathing easier, her body let go of all the tension, and her soul sing. She had known that voice for over three decades. That was the same voice that pushed her, that protected her, and challenged her.

She could hear Nigel crying and her heart shattered.

“Miranda, I need you to wake up. There is so much that you still need to do. There are so many people that need you. Miranda, Runway would burn without you. All of us would be lost.” He cried into her hand. His glasses lay forgotten on the floor by his knees. He hadn’t let go of her hand since he had gotten into the room. “Please, don’t leave me. You’re one of the most important people I know. You're one of the reasons why I push myself. You're one of my biggest inspirations.”

Miranda could only stare at the floor helplessly as she heard Nigel weep. She was still on all fours; the energy to get up eluded her. “No. Don’t say that Nigel, that’s not true. You would be better off without me. Please, don’t cry.” Miranda begged. The gravity of the entire situation finally dawned on her. She was dying, she could feel it now. The hollow feeling in her chest, the numbness of heart and this dark looming shadow that fell over her entire body like a wool blanket. “I’ve caused you enough pain,” she whispered.

Nigel’s ears began to ring, through the sound he could have sworn that he had heard a soft voice. Something in his heart told him to keep talking. “I know why you did what you did in Paris. I’m not going to lie and say that I wasn’t hurt, betrayed, and confused when it happened. At this point, I had just wished that you had told me. You’ve built so many walls throughout the years,” Nigel sighed. “I forgive you, and I understand.”

He said nothing more as he kissed the back of Miranda’s hand. With the little strength that he had left, he pushed himself up. Only letting go of Miranda’s hand for a moment, he pulled up a chair and made himself comfortable. His tan skin was a stark contrast to her pale complexion when he held her hand.

“You will be okay, Mira,” was the last thing he could say before the nurse from earlier came to take her vitals, ushering him out.

Miranda hadn’t been called that in years.

_ Thirty Years Ago _

_ “You seem as tired of this entire thing as I am.” Came a deep chuckle. _

_ Miranda rolled her eyes and scoffed. The music blaring in the club was making her head ache and the smell of sex, sweat, and alcohol was making her want to gag. The next time she was dragged to one of these after parties she will set a timer for thirty minutes. When that timer dinged then she would be out of there.  _

_ Maybe it was the annoying company that she had been surrounded with for the entire night, or perhaps it was the chance to share her pain with someone else; but she turned around and met a knowing smirk and smiling brown eyes that were behind thick-rimmed glasses. _

_ “The amount of drugs and alcohol is unnerving.” She remarked loud enough to be heard. _

_ The man beside her nodded and presented her with a bottle of water. It was wet from condensation and unopened. “That’s not including all the terrible fashion that we were forced to endure,” he chuckled. _

_ Something in his gaze out to the dance floor had Miranda laughing out loud for the first time that night. “White fur and shining silver for winter, groundbreaking,” she mocked. The man beside her tossed his head back and chuckled. _

_ Miranda took his offered water. His eyes landed on her and there was a fire there. There was passion, determination, and an intelligence that many seemed to lack in the fashion industry. Miranda was impressed and intrigued. The man before her had the potential of becoming her worst enemy or her best friend. A little voice in her head urged her to reach out to him. The man knew fashion; he understood the world around them. Miranda needed someone like that. She needed someone that she could turn to and confide in. “My name is Miranda Priestly,” she introduced herself. _

_ Her eyes flashed brilliantly in the club light. Her fiery red hair looked like flames around her sharp face. She looked like the Devil herself. _

_ “Nigel Kipling.” The man introduced himself. His smile was sharp and his gaze turned appreciating. He had finally met someone that was at his level. Maybe even beyond. Without a shadow of a doubt, Nigel knew that the woman before her was meant for great things. _

_ Miranda thought the same thing of him. _

_ Within five years, their names meant something. The rest, as many like to say is history. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you thought of this chapter!!! Leave a little comment down below!! Thank you again for taking the time to read this!!


	3. Emily C.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emily comes to see her hero.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!!!!! Thank you so much for all the love and support that this fic has been gathering!!! Every single review makes my day all the brighter!!! I hope that this is yet another chapter that does not disappoint!!!

Emily felt Nigel place a reassuring hand on her shoulder. He moved from behind her and pressed a quick kiss to the top of her head. She could feel as her eyes began to burn again, but she was quick to blink the sensation away. “If you wish to go stretch your legs, you may.” Her voice cracked with the strain of her words.

There was a moment of silence where Emily could only hear the beeping of the machines that were connected to her boss by wires and tubes. She had never hated a sound more. A strange sensation of unease made her legs grow weak. Her body swayed her towards one of the chairs near Miranda’s side. Emily could feel her lungs expanding with stale hospital air, but she still felt as if there wasn’t enough of it. Her heart beat against her chest with such power that she feared her body wouldn’t be strong enough to contain it. Her hands hadn’t stopped shaking since she had gotten to the hospital.

“I’ll bring you back some coffee.” Nigel let his hand fall from the woman’s shoulder and he dragged his relenting body out of the room.

_ Two Hours Earlier _

The entire Runway floor was quiet and filled with an air of content. Everything planned that day had gone without a single mishap. All models had been present for the photo shoot, all the clothing had been tailored to perfection, the weather was clear, and most importantly Miranda had been given the chance to just focus on the shoot. Emily prided herself on that fact. She had worked for weeks leading up to the shoot to make sure that everything had been dealt with. There was nothing that would get to Miranda if Emily had the power to fix it herself. As the first assistant, it was Emily’s duty to make Miranda’s life easier.

It was a rather easy life to live. She was in the industry that she loved, respected, and worshiped. Even at her age, she knew more about the fashion industry that most of the people working at Runway. That was why she had been given the prestigious job of being Miranda’s First Assistant. She was reliable, relentless, and loyal.

The added confidence and reason to live had been a small gift that Emily had been given during her time at Runway. Two gifts that Miranda had unknowingly given her.

Maybe that had been one of the many reasons she had hated Andrea Sachs during her time at the magazine. The way that Miranda had looked at the woman, treated her so…

That was it, wasn’t it? Emily didn’t know how Miranda had treated Andrea. It was something private and only known between the two women. All Emily knew was that she wanted that. She wanted Miranda to look at her with pride, respect, or even acknowledge her achievements. That changed when Fashion Week had come near and Emily had been hit by that taxi. For weeks she had been devastated at her lost opportunity. Her jealousy and hurt fueled an unjustifiable hatred for Andrea. The same woman who had rushed to her side and made sure that she had been okay while at the hospital. The same woman who gave Emily all her clothing from Fashion Week.

Since then the two women had become close. They chatted almost every night while Emily waited for the book. On a few occasions, they had both had enough time and energy to grab some drinks. It was a lot nicer to hang out with Andrea when there wasn’t this sort of competition between them (a competition that had only been in Emily’s head). They were friends and Emily was very happy with that outcome.

Now she sat behind her desk. A salad untouched at her elbow as she flipped through the latest issue of Scarlet Magazine.

Then from down the hallway, she heard feet running up towards her. She bit her tongue for a second to try and keep her annoyance at bay. Just because Miranda was gone did not mean that they would start acting like some sort of barbarians. They were Runway employees after all. 

She stood quickly when she saw Nigel turn the corner. His face had lost all color and his eyes were bright with fear.

“Miranda was in an accident. It’s serious.” Those words were the only thing that Emily needed before she was running to Miranda’s office. In the woman’s desk was a little black book filled with personal contacts. This was only meant to be used in cases of emergency. Emily had wished she never would have needed it.

From the office, she called out to Nigel who was pacing in front of her desk. “I need you to get to her. I will arrange for the girls and their father to be there as soon as they can.” Her voice was strong and collected, yet her entire body felt like an autumn leaf about the fall from its tree.  “I will join you as soon as I am able.” Once she’d gotten the Book, she rushed out of Miranda’s office and began making phone calls. Nigel was still standing there looking at her, a lost look in his eyes. Emily put her phone down for a moment. She turned to look at the man and her vision went blurry with tears. Her entire body seized up in fear for only a second before she threw herself at Nigel. The man’s strong arms wrapped around her body and she felt anchored to the world. He was trembling just as badly as she was. “Go…” she whispered.

He gave her one last hug before he turned and ran out of the building.

Emily took a deep breath and calmly went back to her desk. She couldn’t feel her fingers as she began to dial a number. She pressed the phone to her ear and the ring was deafening.

Finally, the person who she was calling picked up the phone. The man’s voice on the other end of the line was deep and confused. “Miranda? Is everything okay?”

Emily swallowed the lump in her throat before she spoke. “I am sorry to disturb you, Mr. Wayland, but Miranda was in a serious car accident.”

Neither one of them said anything for an entire minute.

Then Emily could hear movement.

“I will go and get the girls. Tell me where she is and I’ll be there as soon as possible. Thank you for calling me, Emily.” The line went dead after that.

_ Present _

Miranda could only watch as Emily began to cry. Her shoulders had fallen and her hands came up to cover her face.

“Out of everyone, I hurt her the most. She out of everyone has the most reason to hate me. “ Miranda whispered. Her throat was tight and the ugly feeling of teetering on the edge of life and death had not gone away. The woman turned around to look out the window. The rain had stopped, but the clouds were a deep grey. “This is more of a reason for me to die.” Guilt shattered her entire soul, all the pain that she was seeing was not pushing her to live. It was pushing her to let go and relive everyone from the burden that she had become. There was no reason for her to open her eyes if everything would go back to normal.

“It doesn’t have to go back to the way things were.” Her mother whispered back.

Was it really her mother? The woman before her held herself differently. Her eyes were bright with something other than anger, disappointment, and fear. She was soft, graceful, and otherworldly.

Miranda spoke before she had thought of what her words were. “You’re clearly not my mother.” She stated it as a fact. Behind her, she could hear Emily’s quiet sobs. “What are you?”

The woman next to her took a moment to ponder the question. Her expression was serene, the passiveness in her face did nothing to hide the light of surprise at Miranda’s observation. No one had ever been able to make such a conclusion. It was surprising, to say the least. “What makes you think I am not your mother?”

“You’re kind.”

Those words hung in the air like a thick fog. The soft tone of Miranda’s voice showcased years of abuse. It was almost too hard to look at the woman.

“I am Death.” The woman whispered. Without a single sound, she walked across the room. Death watched as Emily’s body shuddered with her cries. Her dark red hair falling to create a curtain around her face. “This girl sees you as something more than the Ice Queen. She sees you as a mentor, hero, an example that she wishes to follow.” Death observed. When she reached Emily she let her hand over her head. Something soft began to glow at Death’s fingertips. “Maybe if she spoke-“

Miranda turn away from the window with rage in her eyes. The sight of her limp broken body did not settle the tornado in her heart. “You will not touch her.”

Death looked up at her confusedly. “Why would I hurt her? She isn’t the one dying.”

Between them, Emily went to wipe her tears. Her eyes fell on Miranda’s limp hand and for a moment there was the question if she would reach out and take it. She swallowed back the sob that threatened to wrack her body and straightened her back. Her fingers went to lace through Miranda’s.

“You silly girl.” The voice that wretched itself out of Miranda sounded strangled and in pain. 

Emily took a deep breath before she began to speak. “Miranda, I know that you see me as nothing more than an assistant. As a matter of fact, you might even see me as just another lackey. Another girl that you’ll get rid of sooner or later.”

The pain in just the girl’s voice had Miranda wrapping her arms around herself. She feared that is she didn’t hold herself together then she would break apart. “That’s not true. Emily I-“ Before she could say anything else Emily began to speak again.

“You may not know this but when I had applied to be your assistant my world was falling apart. I moved from London to follow my dream of fashion. I wanted to create art, be the one that was able to create something that made everyone else feel beautiful. Ironic to think of when I saw myself as the ugliest person at the time.” Her voice came out as a whisper.

Miranda remembered that day vividly. Emily was a tornado of passion, knowledge, and pain. Lashing out to anyone who dared to question her place beside Miranda. She became a good assistant. One that Miranda didn’t deserve.

Emily felt her as old monsters began to surface in her mind. She could feel it in the way that all the warmth in her body began to ebb away.  “You gave me a purpose to keep going. “ An ugly laugh came tumbling out of her mouth. Familiar insincerities began to dance around in her head and her grip on Miranda’s hand tightened.  “You unknowingly gave me the power to chase my dream. All my family turned their back on me. They wanted me to stay home, but I couldn’t do that. I would have wasted away if I stayed in London. Finding you showed me what it meant to be strong. You never backed down from a challenge, your vision and your talent were inspiring. Nothing hurts you.”

The room when quiet for a moment. The only thing that could be heard was the beeping of the medical machines.

Guilt manifested in a sharp pain that pierced through Miranda’s heart. 

Death stood behind Emily with a mournful look in her eyes. The pity shining there making something disgusting form at the back of Miranda’s throat. “You’re making her say all this.” She accused. Her voice sounded small and scared in her ear.

“Miranda, you’re my hero,” Emily whispered. “Please wake up. So many people still need you.” The broken sob that tore itself through Emily had her crying all over again.

_ Two Years Ago _

_ “Emily.” _

_ “Yes, Miranda?” _

_ “It’s been two years since you’ve become my assistant.” _

_ “Two years next week, yes.” _

_ “Where will you go?” _

_ The question caught Emily off guard. Her head was still trying to wrap itself around Miranda’s words. _

_ “I am very content here Miranda.” _

_ “Very well. Starting next week you’ll become my first assistant.” _

_ There was a moment of silence. _

_ Emily’s entire world was engulfed in fireworks while Miranda was calmly flipping through fabric swatches. _

_ The older woman felt a small flower of pride blossom in her chest, but no one needed to know that. If she were to confess anything, it would be that Emily deserved better than first assistant. She still had more to learn, however, and Miranda was going to see to that. _

_ “That’s all.” _

_ “Yes, Miranda.” Emily swayed on her feet and the pounding in her ears was a good distraction from the surge of emotions. The world spun around her and she realized that she needed to stop standing in the middle of Miranda’s office. So she turned on her heels and walked out of the office. Then something pushed her to stop, to break one of the golden rules. “I won’t let you down.” _

_ Miranda’s heart lurched painfully in her chest for a moment, her eyes glued to a patch of velvet. _

_ She realized that the feeling was hope. _

_ Emily at this point had reached her desk. Her smile was blinding. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you form the bottom of my heart for taking the time to read this!!! Go ahead and leave a review down below letting me know what you think and what you are excited to see next.


	4. Andrea S.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andrea comes to see the woman she lov- Miranda after the accident.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY EVERYONE!!! HERE IS ANOTHER CHAPTER!!! I hope that you guys are ready for our Andy to make a reveal!!! This chapter is dedicated to my amazing, brilliant, and beautiful beta reader!!! Thank you!!!

_ The room was spinning around her. Everything was out of focus and the more Miranda tried to push the hollow feeling in her chest, the more difficult it was to keep from collapsing. All the noise such as the chattering and screaming reporters was making her headache. The flashing lights from the cameras were making it impossible to see what was going on. She could feel people at her side vying for her attention. They called her name seeking her approval. Some were even desperate enough to be a few feet away from her just so they could say that they had met her. Her name was power; her name was also a curse. _

_ Nigel was at her side within moments. The look in his eyes told Miranda that she would never be forgiven. She betrayed his trust and she deserved his hatred. _

_ Then he gazed at her, he saw the dim light of fear in her eyes, the desperation that made her neck a tense column of muscles. Something in his heart gave way when he saw her hands shaking. He peeked behind her for a moment to try and catch Andrea’s gaze. If anyone was going to know what had Miranda in such a state it would be her. _

_ She wasn’t anywhere to be seen. Andrea had vanished. _

_ “Where is the back door?” Miranda asked. Her voice was low, hollow, and detached. _

_ The crowd around them was loud enough to drown out her words and have them only reach Nigel’s ears. “Behind the farthest seat on the right side of the stage. Closest to the start of the runway,” he informed her in a rush. There was something wrong, he could sense it. He wasn’t able to ask what before Miranda brushed past him and made her way quickly to the back door. _

_ Miranda’s feet couldn’t carry her fast enough. The people in her way trying to prevent her from getting the hell out of that godforsaken building coward away from her when they noted the dangerous gleam in her eyes. For those people, she had proven right to be called a fire-breathing dragon. _

_ When she rushed out the door, the frigid Paris air was a greatly appreciated slap across her face. Her mind finally was able to claw its way out of the fog of confusion and fear to figure out that she needed to call Andrea. She needed to know where that woman had run off to so she could come back. Come back to Miranda’s side. So she pulled out her phone. Within seconds and surprisingly steady fingers, she speed-dialed Andrea’s phone. She pressed the phone painfully to her ear and every ring was a stab to her heart. Her feet began to move on her own accord and before she knew it, she was running across the street. Her eyes scanned all around her to try and catch some glimpse of Andrea. The phone was still ringing in her ear. _

_ A small figure in all black caught her eye. They paused by the fountain, only to throw something in. Her phone went dead. Miranda’s soul splintered into a million pieces and she began to run. The heels she wore were boring blisters into her skin and every heavy step was painful. Pain shot up her leg when she misplaced her foot, twisting it at an odd angle. Luckily, a lamp post caught her fall. She took a moment of reprieve to just breathe, to calm her racing heart. It wasn’t working. She glanced up and Andrea was even farther away. Many people say that when adrenaline is coursing through their veins there is a bitter taste at the back of their throat. That it tastes like ozone or acid. Miranda had that taste flooding her entire mouth, her blood was pounding in her ear so loudly that she couldn’t hear the cars zooming past behind her. Panic was making every muscle in her body tense up. The longer she stood there watching Andrea walk away the more little pieces of her heart began to break away. A broken heart was something Miranda had never experienced. She had heard about it through other people, but she had never felt it first hand. She made sure that her heart was untouchable and distanced herself from dangers that would cause it harm. Now she felt every single wall that she had built collapsing, leaving her vulnerable and with her world spiraling out of control. She needed to fix this, she needed to remedy this and get Andrea back. That was it, that was the only thing that she could think of at that moment. _

**_God… Don’t leave me. I don’t know what I would do without you. Oh God, what have I done?_ **

_ So she did the only thing that she could do. She screamed out Andrea’s name as hard as she could. _

_ Maybe God could feel her pain, maybe it was that God took pity on her, but the wind was able to carry her cry through the space between the two women. Andrea stopped in mid-stride when she heard her name being called out. That was all Miranda needed to push herself off the lamp post and close the space between them. She ignored her likely sprained ankle and the pain that flared up every time she took a step. The pain didn’t stop her though, because she was nearly running towards Andrea. _

_ When they were close enough, Miranda called her name one more time. This time her voice was tight, breathless, and the name was dripping in desperation. _

_ “I need you to come back with me.” Miranda’s voice was stronger this time. Her fists were painfully tight and her entire body strung as a bowstring pulled back ready to release an arrow. However, she wasn’t an arrow. She was a lost, confused, hurt, and bitter woman who was tired of losing the people around her. _

You were the one that pushed them all away.  _ A twisted voice whispered in her mind. _

_ Something caused her to lean away from Andrea. It sunk its teeth into her soul and made her think that this whole endeavor was futile. She shouldn’t be begging for someone to stay by her side. She shouldn’t have to explain herself to a woman that she hadn’t even known for a year. Then a flash of deep, brown eyes exploded in her mind. _

_ Andrea had cared, she had worried, she had been ready to hide Miranda away for a day as she recovered from the sudden divorce. _

_ Now she was walking away from Miranda and it was too much. _

_ Both women stood in the middle of Paris with crumbling hearts, the weight of so much unsaid was enough to make them fall to the cold hard ground. Yet there they stood, drawing strength from the fact that neither of them walked away. They were still there together. That must count for something, shouldn’t it? _

_ Andrea’s words were jarringly cold, hurt, and laced with anger. How could she have been so stupid to be caught up with Miranda? She lost everything because of the woman behind her. Then she could feel her heart strain against her chest in hopes of reaching out to Miranda. That was enough for Andrea to come to a realization. She would do it again. She would change everything just so she could finally have Miranda see her. Not just look at her in passing, but to really see her. See Andrea for the woman that she was and that happened. They had shared quiet moments together where the only thing that mattered was the two women. Their aching hearts were consoled by the other and just the conversation of planning the following day was enough to allow a small flower of longing to bloom in their souls. _

_ If only Andrea knew what was swimming in Miranda’s heart, if she knew what had pushed Miranda to build so many walls then maybe things would have been different. _

_ “I can’t go back with you. I need to stay true to myself and I can’t sit back and watch you take advantage of people. What you did to Nigel was wrong. You should have told him, you should have told me, even Emily.” The overwhelming outrage that came with a betrayal that began to fester in Andrea’s body, made breathing strenuous. Then everything began to hit her. Nigel, her friends, her family, Emily, her entire existence. Everything in less than a year had been turned upside down, shaken up, and torn from her hands. Now she was left with the feeling of a raw form of discovery. This wasn’t supposed to happen, this was just supposed to be a two-year job that helped her in her career. It wasn’t supposed to be a time of change or discovery. She had done that already, she knew who she was. Rage began to find a small part of her to feed off of and so she turned around, directing her fury at Miranda. _

_ “Why are you so terrible? How can you be loved by so many people and still be this cold?” Andrea was screaming. Her body was shaking. The look in Miranda’s eyes, a look that was filled with so much pain, made her heart cry. _

**_You should have told me, Miranda. I would have done anything to help you. God, why does it have to be like this?_ **

_ Then fire made the blues of Miranda’s eyes cold steel. “Do you think I enjoy this?” She cried back. Her voice was strong, cracking with every other word, but still strong. “I do what I do to protect others. I push them away because they would be used against me.” _

_ The air around them turned electric and the cold wind wasn’t enough to snap them back to reality. They were alone at that moment. _

_ “I did what I had to do to keep Nigel safe. He would have lost everything if I sent him to Holt. That boy is careless and stupid. His dreams were doomed to moment that Irving got him on a leash. They wanted Nigel with him because they knew that Holt would tear his reputation apart. They would have become laughingstocks.” Miranda was screaming. The pain that burned her ankle was a mere echo of discomfort when she closed the gap between herself and Andrea. “Nigel deserves better than that. He deserves his own magazine, his own empire, his own name.” _

_ Andrea felt the world stop spinning with these words. “Miranda I-” _

_ The woman didn’t let her finish her sentence before she went off again. “Then there was you. I was a fool to think that they wouldn’t have tried to use you against me. I kept you by my side to protect you. Irving knew that you were my weakness. That’s why they sent Christian. They knew how I felt about you…” Those last few words were what brought Miranda crashing back down. She wasn’t supposed to admit her feelings. Those emotions were supposed to be buried deep in her heart and never unearthed. Now they were in the air, hanging on hope, fear, and longing. _

_ Miranda could feel her strength leaving her and everything began to ache. Her ankle was on fire by the time she decided to take a seat on the fountain. “They would have burned you just to see me hurt,” Miranda whispered to the wind. _

_ Present _

Andrea walked towards the hospital as quickly as she could. The only thing that was keeping her from running was the fact that there were cars coming in and out of the parking lot. The last thing that she needed right now was to get hurt because she wasn’t paying enough attention.

When she reached the sliding doors, her gaze fell on an old looking woman. Her hair had streaks of grey that stood out in her once black hair. The woman was quick to note that someone had just walked in so she smiled and waited for Andrea to reach her.

“Hello. My name is Andrea Sachs and I am here to see Miranda Priestly. Emily Charlton let you know that I would be visiting.” Andrea said with a forced smile on her lips and pain encapsulating her chest. A whisper of desperation was curling at the bottom of her heart and the longer that she waiting in front of the reception desk the louder her desperation was becoming.

The woman turned quickly to her computer and began to type away. Her eyes would sometimes glance away to look at files but only to get information that she needed. It took a few minutes before she turned to look up at Andy again. “She’s on the fourth floor, room 415. Visiting hours are from eight A.M. to eight P.M.”

Andy was quick to thank the woman for her help and dash towards the nearest elevator. The tapping of her foot on the linoleum floor was something that she was able to draw her attention to as she waited for the elevator to descend.

Forty-seven seconds of silence passed and she heard the soft ding of the elevator doors. It took another fifty-eight seconds for Andy to reach the floor and another twenty-three to find Miranda’s room.

Up until that point, Andy had been running on autopilot. She hadn’t let her mind process what was happening because she knew that if she did, her entire life would fall apart. Fear would take her senses hostage would torture her to no end until she knew Miranda was okay. Ever since Emily had called her that morning Andy’s only thoughts were surrounding Miranda.

How was she doing? Was she going to be okay? How badly hurt was she? When would she wake up again?

Those questions would come flooding in like a tsunami, each one making her chest tighten with a sharp pain that left her breathless. Then it would be hours where she would conjure up the worst scenario possible. Every time her heart would shatter and it was almost impossible not to feel tears trying to tear themselves through her. 

Now her hand was reaching for the doorknob, turning it slowly and bracing herself for what was sure to be a painful sight. She could hear Nigel’s voice softly speaking to someone. It sounded like he was trying to convince someone to get something to eat. Andy knew exactly whom he had been talking to.

She walked through the door silently to try and not disturb their conversation, but when she was fully inside everything grew quiet. The only thing that she could hear was the beeping of medical machines. For some reason, she couldn’t shake the feeling that there was someone watching her.

“Andrea!” Emily said, relief written all over her face.

Andy put her purse down off to the side so she was free to rush up to Emily and give her a tight embrace. The smell of roses wafted up her noses and it was almost enough to overpower the smell of disinfectant and stale air. “How long have you been here?” She asked against red hair.

Emily pulled back and Andy could see that she had wiped away her mascara enough times that she had decided halfway through to just take off all her makeup. The woman’s eyes were red and glassy, her skin dry and flushed from recent sobs. She looked like she hadn’t rested for hours or even ate.

“It’s been roughly around fourteen hours. She had been in surgery for ten of them.”

Nigel walked up to them and pulled Andy away for a moment. His strong arms wrapped around her and she quickly returned the hug. “God Six, it’s a breath of fresh air to see you.” He murmured.

Unknown to all of them, Miranda was standing off to the side. Her eyes were wide with something indescribable. She looked at Andrea in utter shock and confusion. All she could do was ask herself, why was she there? There was no reason for Andrea to be there. The woman had a job, her own life; she surely had something better to do than visit an old woman in the hospital. Now Andrea was standing in the middle of her hospital room talking to Nigel and Emily. Her deep brown eyes kept looking past them at Miranda. Then for a few seconds, she just looked at the woman’s body.

Miranda tore her eyes away from Andrea to look out the window again. Still, that didn’t keep her voice from floating through the air and caressing Miranda’s ears. It had been a year since she had heard Andrea’s voice and now all she could hear in her words was fear and pain. Something worked its way past her throat and she heard herself calling out to the trio.

“You should all leave. I do not deserve you all to be here.”

“Did you hear that?” Andrea said.

Nigel looked around to look at her confusedly. “I didn’t hear anything. Maybe it was the wind?”

Andrea shook her head and pulled away from Emily and Nigel. Her eyes roamed over the room and stopped at the far right corner. Something at the back of her neck tingle and she could have sworn that she saw a shadow. A shadow that was just too familiar for her to ignore. So she walked towards it, slowly, as if she was scared to frighten whatever energy might have been there. She was being ridiculous of course, there was nothing there and Nigel was right. Tt had been the wind that caught her attention.

So she moved to Miranda’s side, her hand coming out to gently take the older woman’s. Andrea looked down at Miranda and could feel as her soul began to shatter all over again. This time she didn’t fight back the tears that were burning her eyes. She bent down and quickly pressed her lips to Miranda’s forehead. She could feel an echo resonate throughout the entire room that left the little hairs at the back of her neck stand on end.

Miranda gasped as she felt a slight pressure against her forehead, the same spot that Andrea had kissed.

“I can feel you…” Miranda whispered. She walked up to her bedside as Andrea took Emily’s seat. Her hand still over Miranda’s.

Faint warmth around her hand and wrist was like a kiss over Miranda’s skin.

_ That fateful day in Paris. _

_ Andrea pushed through the lump in her throat and began to search through her small clutch. She quickly pulled out an alcohol wipe and a Band-aid. Her hand went to gently rest on Miranda’s knee as she bent down to kneel in front of her. _

_ “Your ankle is hurt,” Andrea remarked worriedly as she moved her hands to raise Miranda’s injured ankle. All she was given in response was a soft wince and Miranda pulling the skirt of her dress a little higher to give Andrea a better view of her injury. _

_ Miranda looked down at Andrea for a moment as she began to wipe at her bloody ankle. The sting of the wipe was enough to clear her mind of the fog of emotions that had clouded her judgment. Now she was back inside of her body and she could feel the chill of the fountain seeping through her dress and Andrea’s soft finger trying to soothe the pain from the scrape on her ankle and ensure that it was clean. When she was finished, she took the Band-aid and pressed it to Miranda’s skin. _

_ “I felt like my entire world was falling apart. The only thing that felt stable, something that I could count on was this job.” Andrea moved her hand slowly up Miranda’s left, the soft skin feeling like silk. “Everything I did was for you. The way that you looked at me made me feel like I mattered. Nate never did that, he looked at me like he expected more, that I wasn’t doing enough for him.” Her fingers began to travel over Miranda’s skirt until they eased between Miranda’s hands. “When you called my name the entire world stopped. The only thing that mattered was you.” Andrea was able to relax Miranda’s hands enough that she let go of her dress skirt. She smoothed out any wrinkles and eased up Miranda’s body. Her fingers fixing any little imperfection that she could see. “Nate told me that the relationship that I was in was with the person who I always answered the phone for.” _

_ Miranda couldn’t breathe. Her body was on fire and everywhere Andrea touched fueled a spark in the pit of her stomach. The softness of the woman’s hands against her skin was addicting and she felt something tight form in the center of her body. Her thighs began to tremble and she could feel her heart racing. Andrea was playing a dangerous game. Miranda saw it in her eyes, the way that the brown had almost been swallowed by black. The tops of her cheeks were flushed and the swell of her breasts was a tantalizing sight. It was too much, everything around them was turning electric and Miranda knew that if she pushed it further she would burn. _

_ “They found about my feelings the night of the gala,” Miranda revealed. “They could tell with the way that I talked to you. Irving said that I looked like I melted when you got close enough to me.” Something like bile rose at the back of Miranda’s throat at just the thought of that pathetic, little man. “I should have seen that he was baiting me. I should have read the signs, but it had been too late. Stephen had almost ruined the night and you sweeping in and saving it had me on my head. No one had ever done that for me. Anyone else would have let it happen.” Miranda began to move at this point. Her hands reached out and stroked along the side of Andrea’s neck. Her fingers brushing against her hair to push it back over her shoulder. Then she moved to stroke along Andrea’s jaw and her thumb grazed blood red lips. “He said that if anything were to happen between us that he would be sure to ruin us both. You would have never been able to write again and that thought alone sent me in a fury. I snapped and that was all that he needed. From that, he knew that you have become something more to me.” _

_ Andrea looked at Miranda with something blinding, it was love, but Miranda was too scared to admit it. At that moment both women knew that they were doomed. _

_ “Go…” Miranda ordered. “I’ll ruin you otherwise.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to tell me what you thought of this chapter!!! Reading your reviews are so rewarding and make my entire day a lot brighter!!!!


	5. Caro, Cass, and their father

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassidy, Caroline, and their father come to see Miranda.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!!!! Thank you guys so much for all the support and love that you have been giving this fic!!! It means the world to me and it really makes my day every time I see an amazing comment. This chapter is dedicated to you guys because without you there would be no fic!!! Thank you again for the love and I hope that this new chapter was worth the wait.

Andrea waited by the window as a nurse recorded Miranda’s vitals. The man was kind and asked no questions while he looked over Miranda. The only thing that he had said to Andy was a quick greeting. From there, she moved out of his way and watched as he changed Miranda’s bandage (the one wrapped around her neck) and then quickly checked any stitches that she had gotten after her surgery.

When he was finished, he gave Andy a nod and walked out of the room, leaving her and Miranda alone. Andy took a calming breath and went back to take her seat beside Miranda’s side.

Emily and Nigel had gone outside to wait for the twins and prepare them for what they were going to see. The girls were almost fifteen years old but the sight of their mother dying was not something that they should see without some warning. Luckily, they had been picked up by their father before they had heard. On their way to the hospital, they had been given a vague explanation. Now they were due to arrive in just a few minutes.

Andy knew that she was not going to have another moment alone with Miranda. She tamed the pounding of her heart so that she could hear herself over it. Her hands blindly reached out to take Miranda’s and the feeling of her cold skin made Andrea’s chest tighten. Her thumb stroked Miranda’s knuckle gently as she found the courage to begin to speak. “Miranda, I know that you can’t hear me,” she whispered.

Unknown to her, Miranda had been standing by her since Andy had taken a seat. The moment that Andy began to speak Miranda’s heart felt like it had stopped beating.

“I just need you to know that I’m so sorry for leaving you. I should have stayed, I should have been stronger.”

Miranda reached out and tried to touch Andrea. Her hands went right through her.

Andy let her head fall. “Please wake up, you can’t leave me. Not when I haven’t told you that-“ She couldn’t finish the sentence. Something seemed to have boxed away her voice. Her heart strained against her chest for a moment and she could feel regret start to set in.

_ I can’t say it. It feels like too much like a goodbye and I don’t want that. _

“Please don’t leave me. I lo-“ Andrea begged. A single word with the entire weight of the world on the tip of her tongue.

She heard the door open and two familiar voices floated into the room.

“Andy! You’re here!” Cassidy cried. She ran towards the woman at such a fast speed that Andy hadn’t been given the chance to stand up. All she could do was wrap her arms around the girl’s body and keep her from falling over the chair.

Caroline was a lot slower; she couldn’t find in it her to face the reality of the situation. So when she felt strong hands rest on her shoulders she leaned back to try and escape. “I know it’s hard. I’m right behind you, sprout.” Her father whispered against her hair. She felt as walls began to build around her heart. Walls that were there to keep everything from hurting too much. She needed to be strong for her sister, for her father, and for her mother. Everything was going to be alright, but for right now she didn’t want to feel the fear, the hurt, the pain that came with the prospect of losing a parent.

Her father pushed her gently forward and pulled her up a chair. She didn’t sit down.

Cassidy pulled back from Andy and furiously wiped at her wet eyes. When she turned to look at her mother fresh tears threaten to tear through her. She fought them back bravely and stood tall. “She’s going to be okay. I know she will.”

“My babies…” Miranda cried silently.

No one could hear her as she began to sob into her hand.

“Right now we are just waiting for her to wake up. The doctors don’t know when that will be.” Andy said. Her hand went back to hold Miranda’s.

The father of the twins looked between his ex-wife and the woman that was holding her hand with such tenderness that anyone would have been fooled to think that they were in love. “Thank you…” He said to her, then turned to Emily and Nigel who had decided to stay close to the door. “…and thank you two for keeping an eye on her. I was worried that she would be alone.”

Andy’s mind decided to catch up with what was happening and she realized that she hadn’t introduced herself. “I’m Andy. Sorry that I hadn’t introduced myself sooner.” She felt a smile pull at her lips and it was almost painful.

“I’m William, you can call me Will. As you can tell I’m the girls’ father and Miranda’s ex-husband.” His own smile was also forced and didn’t hide the pain that had made a home in the lines on his face. His striking green eyes were dark and filled with worry. His features gave him the look of an old aristocrat from the Victorian era. A long sharp nose made him seem meaner than he really was. His once black hair was now streaked with silver along the sides right above his ears. The three-piece suit that he wore was tailored to perfection.

He and Miranda would have made a perfect couple (they had at one point). The thought was enough to make Andy curl in on herself. She shouldn’t have been there, she had no right.

The twins stood next to one another and Caroline looked around the room. When she spoke she sounded just like her mother. “I was wondering if you could give us some time alone with her.”

Nigel smiled at the girls. “Of course. We all need to get out and stretch our legs anyhow.” His hand went out to beckon Andy to his side. “Come one Six, I know that you haven’t eaten since you’ve gotten here.” 

A small part of Andy had wanted to stay with Miranda, but she knew that the girls deserved to be alone with their mother. So with much reluctance, she got up from her seat and walked out of the room with Emily and Nigel.

When the trio left, Cassidy and Caroline moved to sit on the chair Andy had just vacated; Cass sitting on the arm and Caro occupying the rest of the seat. For a moment, both of the girls had thought to reach out and touch their mother, but they were too scared to potentially hurt her. Behind them, they could hear as their father pulled up a chair and took his place next to them.

“Daddy, is Mom going to be okay?” Caroline whispered.

William took a deep breath to steady himself. “I don’t know, sprout.” His voice was weak and filled with so much pain.

_ Thirteen years ago. _

_ “I want a divorce…” _

_ “Okay. Will I be able to see the girls?” _

_ “If you wish.” _

_ They stood in their shared study just looking at one another. William could feel something in him break and Miranda could feel shame grip her body. _

_ “What happened?” _

_ “...” _

_ Miranda felt fear steal her voice and all she could do was stare at the man she didn’t deserve. The man who had always been so patient, loyal, and kind to her. Now she took all the good that he gave her and threw it back at his face. _

_ “You know that you can trust me…” He said lastly. The expected hatred and anger that Miranda had expected and silently prayed for was nowhere to be seen. William still spoke to her with such tenderness that she wanted to take everything back and pretend that nothing had happened. Sadly, she knew that if she did that she would live an unhappy life and she would drag her entire family down with her.  _

_ So with every single fiber of courage that she possessed, she finally spoke two words that would change her entire life. “I’m gay…” Saying this for the first time was like a bucket of cold water down Miranda’s back. Her hands began to tremble and she could feel her heart shuddering in her chest. _

_ William moved forward and without a second thought, enveloped Miranda in his arms. He could feel as the woman tensed. That didn’t stop him from holding tightly so that when she broke, he would be able to catch her. “That’s okay. The girls and I still love you anyway.” _

_ He felt his shirt grow wet, sharp nails cling to his back and all of Miranda’s weight falling on his body to hold.  _

_ She shattered in his arms and silently sobbed.  _

Present

Miranda watched as her family sat by her bedside silently. Her girls had leaned against one another to try and gather their strength, while their father sat beside them with a grief-stricken face. 

“What are you thinking Miranda?” Death whispered in her ear.

“I don’t deserve them…”

Death took long, silent strides towards the twins. “What you think you do and do not deserve is irrelevant. I want to know what you are truly thinking. That phrase is something that you have been practicing almost all your life. What is underneath it?”

Miranda swallowed back the feel of dread that began to crawl its way up her throat. She could feel something dark festering in the darkest corner of her heart. That same little thing that had been pushing away the thought of waking up. “I am afraid that I won’t be able to change even after all of this. I’m afraid that I have ruined myself for the rest of my life.”

Caroline shuffled forward and reached out for her mother’s hand. “Mommy, I know that you can hear us.” She whispered softly. Her words fell over Miranda like a gentle, reassuring feather. “We need you to wake up because I don’t know what we would do without you.”

Cassidy nodded her head furiously as she wiped away tears. “She’s right, Mom. You made us a promise.”

“Mira, please wake up. We all love you, desperately.” This time it was William who spoke, his voice tight with the tears he was trying to fight back. 

Death took graceful steps, not making a single sound so that she could stand behind Miranda’s family. Her arms spread out wide like she would presenting the trio to Miranda. “This is three of the six people that you would leave behind. Three of the six people that your heart aches for. Are you truly willing to leave it all behind because of your own insecurities? Why must you make such hasty judgments that don’t belong to you.? Why must you expect the worst?”

There were seven seconds of silence. In those moments Miranda felt something snap inside her soul. “You want to know why I expect the worse?” She screamed, her voice shaking with rage. Her face flushed with anger and the storm outside began to intensify. 

“Nothing good ever happens to me! I wasn’t born to be loved! Why must you torture me like this? Do you think I want to see them all suffering? Is this to reassure me of something?” Miranda couldn’t breathe anymore. Every single breath she took felt like a stab in her chest, and the room was growing dark around the corners of her eyes. Something was happening, she could feel it in the tightness accumulating in her chest. She was shattering but her daughters and ex-husband hadn’t the faintest idea. Her throat contracted painfully. “Don’t think that for a moment that it does.” She gasped. “There is no peace for me. There is no resolution.”

Death opened her mouth to speak, but before she could utter a single syllable, Miranda shouted her down. “Bring me back in a year when they are all happy. When my daughters have moved on, when my ex-husband is happy, when Nigel is given what he deserves, when Emily is no longer living behind someone’s shadow, when Andrea-”

That name made Miranda’s knees buckle. The sharp pain that followed caused her to collapse to the floor and for everything to snap back into clarity. “...bring me back in a year when I can look at Andrea Sachs and not feel my heart tear itself in two.” Miranda’s body trembled violently as she began to cry. Everything from the past twenty-four hours coming and rushing up to the surface.

_ I don’t know what to do. I’m so afraid. _

_ “ _ You have everything to gain,” Death spoke gently. “They are breaking and so are you. Take a chance, Miranda, before everything is ripped from you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave me a comment down below!!! I would love to read what you think!!!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for taking the time to read my work!!! I hope that you enjoyed it and are excited for more!!! Leave me a review and let me know what you thought!!!


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